A Better Class of Criminal
by Moniker
Summary: Why is it that whenever Batman is hanging on for dear life, the only one who ever shows up is the Joker? One shot, slash. You know the routine! JokerXBatman


**A/N**- Man! I gotta get a life. Or at least a taste for different pairings lol. This is, quite probably, my last TDK fic before I switch to something different for a while, like House, MD drools. Either that, or I'm lying and you can expect 10 more TDK's before I switch to anything else at all... Bwa haha! The fun really is in not knowing, isn't it?

And...here… we...go!

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**A Better Class of Criminal  
**

Batman's fingertips gripped at the edge of the building desperately. He was quickly losing his hold, and with his cape torn as badly as it was, he knew he couldn't risk the fall.

"Damn him, that was smart." Batman said to himself, as he thought back to the blade of one of the Joker's many knives slicing at his cape again and again. At the time, he had assumed that the Joker was doing so in an attempt to find vulnerability in the armor covering his back. Something the Joker could use to his advantage. But he realized now, that this was not the case. Joker had done it for a much more simple reason than that- To keep Batman from flying. But why?

The Dark Knight kept trying desperately to regain his grip on the rooftop as it slipped slowly from beneath his fingers, but for the life of him, he could not. His gloves had been specially designed for situations like this; Being able to get a good grasp on surfaces for the purpose of climbing, or at the very least, not falling. So why couldn't he do so now, when he needed to most?

A dark, forced chuckle approaching from the distance assured Batman that he would soon find out. The Joker strode over casually, stopping only when he reached the very edge of the building. He towered over the dangling Batman now, as well as the rest of the city, with one purple-tinted leather shoe placed in between the hanging Bat's hands, the other, to his right. His arms were crossed triumphantly behind his back, and a very arrogant smile stretched across his ruby painted lips when he saw the desperation on Batman's face

"Joker... Help..." Batman struggled, barely able to hold on. He knew the likelihood of the Joker actually helping him was very slim, but he had to try. It was currently his only option

"I can't." The Joker said with an over emphasized, defeated shrug

Batman knew that a comment like that was the Joker's way of trying to bait him, but what choice did he have? Against his better judgment, he allowed himself to play along, "Why not?"

The Joker lowered himself to a crouching position above Batman's slipping hands, and then, grabbing the edge of the rooftop methodically, he repositioned himself so that he was lying on his stomach just above the Dark Knight's head. He rested his own head in his hands thoughtfully as he spoke

"Because you haven't said the magic word yet..." He responded, running his tongue over his scar in preparation

Batman grunted at the audacity of his foe to even have such a thought, before trying unsuccessfully to regain his footing once more

"It's so... Slippery" Batman stated, accidentally thinking aloud

"I know." Joker responded, with a grin of anticipation for Batman's reaction

"You know?!" Batman accused, shooting a sharp look up at the grinning Joker, "What do you mean, 'you know'?"

"Well," Joker began, licking the same scar in an attempt to try and contain his laughter, "I read somewhere that when people don't want squirrels raiding their bird feeders, they grease the poles so the squirrels can't climb up." He paused thoughtfully, licking his lip before beginning again, "Not sure how that works with Bats and flying, but it was worth a shot. Can't escape if you cant climb back on the roof, now can ya?" He smirked that evil smirk once more

There was a quiet rage building inside Batman now, as he tried even harder to prove the Joker wrong and regain his footing on the side of the building, but he couldn't. More importantly, every time he tried, his hands would slip a little further on the edge of the rooftop, and he would have to stop to reposition them.

"So what do you say?" The Joker asked dotingly, as he reached a purple-gloved hand delicately over the slippery edge, "Are you going to ask me nicely?"

Batman snubbed him again with a grunt as he struggled against his own weight, and that caused the Joker to think of something he hadn't before- Batman was just stubborn enough to let himself fall before accepting the Joker's help in ANYTHING, let alone in saving his own life. He thought of this just in time, too, because at that very moment, Batman struggled too hard against the slippery wall, and lost his grip on the edge. Joker instinctively lunged forward, slapping his gloved hands down on the back of Batman's outstretched wrists, gripping his gauntlet's tightly. He winced in mocking strain as he began to pull the slightly heavier man back up the wall, high enough to hear him, but not high enough to grip the edge again.

"Why are you doing this?" Batman asked, anger mixing with exhilaration inside his body as he hung helplessly in the Joker's grip. His heart was racing from the fall, and his breath had reached a ragged pant as he stared into the wild brown eyes of the man who had saved him.

"You, Batsy. You're the reason" Joker said with a gleeful grin that only infuriated Batman further

"You... Hate me. You've been trying to kill me for ages, and now, when you've finally had your chance, you didn't go through with it. Tell me why." Batman demanded, panic causing him to breath more heavily as he hung flat against the wall dangerously, pinned to it beneath the Joker's powerful clutch on his gauntlets

"Hate you?!" The Joker exclaimed, as dramatically as always, "I don't hate you! In fact, quite the opposite..." He hinted slyly

"Then why are you always trying to kill me?" Batman continued, studying the Joker's reaction to his question closely

"I would never try to kill you, baby! Who would I play with then?" Joker mocked, licking his lip, "No... I was just returning your fine introductions. It seems as if it is always YOU who is trying to kill ME..." He paused, raising his eyebrow suggestively at the vulnerable Batman, "I do these things that put you in danger because I know you can take it. And each time you prove me right, it only makes me want you more, because I know that every one of my traps you make it out of alive brings you one step closer to..." He paused again, wincing as if he didn't like where that sentence was going before beginning again, sharply, "You know what I am? I'm a 10 year old boy sitting behind a pretty girl in math class. I don't know how to get her to like me, or if I even want her to like me, so instead I poke her in the back with a pencil until she hates me. Make sense?"

"I already hate you" Batman spat, venom dripping from his every word as he fearlessly stared daggers into the eyes of the man who held his life in his hands

The Joker let his head fall exasperatedly between his shoulders, suggesting that Batman may have missed his point. He let out a soft, barely audible sigh before pulling Batman's heavy form slowly up the side of the wall, until the two met eye to eye, their faces only inches apart

"That maybe true," Joker whispered softly, his brown eyes shifting before they locked with Batman's icy blue, "but don't you see, hatred is a _feeling_. Probably the strongest feeling in existence, second only to love. To _hate_ me is to admit to having _feelings_ for..." He paused, licking one of his scars thoughtfully, "I may never get you to love me," He said, choosing his words very carefully, "but at least I know that if you _hate_ me, your feelings for me are just as intense as mine are for you. Even if they can never be the same."

Batman was both surprised, and amazed. Not so much at what the Joker was saying, because afterall, he is insane and would do just about anything to get under the Dark Knight's skin, but the fact that such a small, fragile looking man could hold all of Batman's weight up at such a bizarre angle without falter was... Pretty impressive. The gravity of what the Joker had just said slowly began to sink in now, and Batman's eyes narrowed in a combination of anger and distrust. His lips pursed, and just as he was about to speak, the Joker cut him off

"Now... I'm going to pull you back up here, and when I do..." He paused, licking his scar in quiet contemplation, "I want you to show me how you... _Really_ feel." He watched closely as Batman's eyes filled with a sudden blood lust and rage, just as he had expected. There was no doubt in his mind that the ass-kicking of a lifetime was headed his way, but strangely, the idea seemed to excite the Joker more than it worried him. He brought his legs back underneath his body, and in one fluent motion, pulled Batman's rigid form back over the edge of the building, tossing him down to the black rubber rooftop.

Joker stood back a bit, cracking his neck in preparation for what he knew would be a long night, and he watched Batman raise slowly to all fours. His painted lips twisted into a dangerous smirk as Batman's hands clenched into fists on the ground beneath his weight. Every ounce of anger and hatred building inside that freight-train of an armored body spilled over as he tried his best to control himself, but inevitably, his overwhelming fury got the better of him. He raised to his feet, turning slowly to face the Joker, who stood ever cocky before his raging nemesis.

The smug, painted smile on the face of the Joker caused something inside of Batman to instantly snap, and he lunged forward at his enemy, causing the Joker to side-step, and easily miss the onslaught. With good luck on his side, Batman stopped his charge just inches before going back over the edge of the building once more. But the fact that he had missed his target caused that ball of hatred and anger building inside of him to grow tenfold, turning into a blinding white hot rage that consumed everything he saw before him. He snapped back around to face the now laughing Joker, who motioned with his hands for Batman to 'bring it on'. Probably not his best idea. But either way, Batman wouldn't make the same mistake twice. This time, he stalked toward the Joker angrily, fists clenched at his sides, shoulders hunched forward in vengeful anticipation. To his surprise, the Joker didn't move a muscle this time, and when Batman finally reached his target destination, his muscles went haywire and he let all Hell loose on the murdering psychopath before him. Blow after powerful blow fell, literally beating the Joker down to the ground, and Batman was so consumed with fury that he blacked out, unaware of just how much damage he was doing. He remembered delivering several sharp kicks to the rib cage and kidney area, as well as his rock-like fists landing heavily on the Joker's face and chest. He lost count of how many times he actually swung as he was becoming intoxicated by the feeling of total freedom and lack of restraint, but when Batman finally snapped back to reality, he heard a familiar noise that both pierced his ears and completely shattered his spirit- The Joker was still laughing.

Batman shook the last bit of unconsciousness from his head, and when his eyes finally started to refocus, he couldn't believe what they saw. Blood spattered on the wall behind them, as well as dripping from the knuckles of both of his gloved hands. The Joker laid bloodied before him, writhing in a mix of pain and maniacal laughter, groping at his sides where Batman had most likely kicked him. Batman paused, terrified, and quickly tore the blood-soaked gloves from his hands, discarding them onto the rooftop. He brought his hands up slowly in front of his face, examining them carefully, and watched as a trail of blood trickled downwards from one of his fingers, over the back of his hand, and then curved around his wrist in what seemed like slow motion. He began to visibly shake with fear and remorse, knowing that he quite possibly almost broke his one golden rule, completely by accident. For the first time, he had lost all control over himself. And if he could do that here today, with a madman he had encountered countless times in the past, what would stop him from doing it somewhere else? To somebody else? Someone a lot less deserving...

As his mind raced frantically in every possible direction, Batman suddenly remembered the broken victim he had left lying on the ground behind him, in a pool of his own blood. He turned his head sharply, scouring the immediate area of the rooftop for a man who was probably in dire need of an ambulance, when out of no where the Joker sprang. He pushed Batman backwards forcefully, pinning him to the small, blood spattered wall of the stairwell with a loud 'thud'. He held Batman firmly in place by his Kevlar plated shoulders, and though the Dark Knight tried to wiggle free, he found himself unable to so. With the Joker in this banged and beaten condition, it should have been much easier to push past him, but as hard as he tried, Batman could not get him to even budge an inch. Which made him think, was the Joker really the stronger of the two of them? Did he ALLOW for this to happen to himself because he knew that he was always in constant control of the situation? Did he-

"My turn." The Joker stated, interrupting Batman's thought pattern. Without so much as a second thought, the Clown Prince leaned in, crushing their lips together with such force that Batman's knees buckled beneath him. His first instinct was to push the Joker off, and boy did he did try, but to no avail. The Joker slammed the Dark Knight's flailing arms against the wall behind his head, and, placing one leg in between the legs of the trembling Batman, he pressed his body firmly against the strong suit of Kevlar, using his weight to keep Batman pinned. He then raised his own hands slightly, positioning them on either side of Batman's cowl like a vice grip, and pulled him in closer, forcing his tongue into the other man's mouth like a snake.

Maybe it was pleasure, maybe it was disgust, but either way, Batman was going limp in the Joker's arms, and he liked that. He liked it a lot. Joker could feel Batman trembling under the pressure of their bodies being pressed against the cold concrete wall, and before he knew it, Batman felt his aggressor trembling, too. When the deep, wet kiss was broken, Batman spoke

"Are you afraid of me?" He questioned smugly, satisfied by the Joker's uneasy shake

"No." Joker responded softly, almost at a whisper, "I just... Never thought I'd make it this far."

There was a very brief pause as they both tried to absorb the moment, and then Batman initiated the next kiss. Maybe out of guilt, or perhaps sheer curiosity, but either way, when he gingerly nudged the Joker backwards, their lips firmly locked, the Joker obliged. Batman groped blindly for something behind his stunned mate to use as leverage, and then guided the hypnotized Joker to a seated position, kneeling between his purple clad legs. Batman pulled back, and then kissed him again, more heavily this time, slipping his own tongue into the Joker's warm mouth. He leaned forward into the kiss, pushing the Joker down into a laying position, as their warm tongues tangled and their chests heaved desperately. Batman was now laying almost completely on top of the Joker, propped up by one armor clad arm, the other hand pawing curiously at painted skin and tangling in green-tinted hair. His tongue explored the Joker's mouth freely for several long moments, until he ran it cautiously over the inside of one of the Joker's scars. The Clown Prince pulled back sharply, staring at Batman defensively, his eyes full of curiosity and slight apprehension

"I want to feel what you feel." Batman explained hesitantly, his voice full of the same understanding and reassurance that drew the Joker to him in the first place

The Joker paused, narrowing his eyes as he briefly studied Batman's sincerity. He softly placed one of his long arms around the Dark Knight's neck, and pulled him close into yet another passionate kiss, almost knocking Batman off balance. Batman's eyes slid closed, leaning down into the kiss sensually, but the Joker's had glanced upward, and were now focused on that God-awful bat-shaped floodlight in the sky. As much as he didn't want the moment to end, he also knew that he would much rather point out the signal to Batman and have him leave, than have Batman spot it himself and leave him alone anyway. At least by telling him, the night could end with the Joker feeling useful, and not just... Abandoned. Still, he couldn't help but feel mildly annoyed.

"Oh Brucey..." Joker sighed accidentally, his black-painted eyes widening when he realized his mistake

"What did you just call me?!" Batman exclaimed, pulling back sharply

Joker's eyes shifted from side to side as he tried to come up with a clever response, but at this point, he was at a loss for words.

"Oh come on, like you really thought I didn't know?" He finally managed to blurt out with a nervous giggle, "Why do you think I haven't blown up Wayne Enterprises yet? Or any part of that lovely penthouse you call home?" He licked his lip with a wicked grin as he spoke, "As a criminal, they would seem like obvious choices to me... And it's not because of your 'challenging' security systems, either. In fact, they could use a little work, just throwing that out there..."

Batman stared at him in total disbelief, as if that were the most shocking thing that had happened all evening. In a pathetic attempt to break the awkward silence, the Joker pointed upwards toward the sky. Bruce's eyes followed the psychopath's gesture, and he jumped to his feet when he saw the Bat Signal piercing the night's sky. Joker sighed once more in mild disappointment, but still he maintained hope for things yet to come.

After quickly straitening himself out, and wiping some residual red paint from around his lips, Batman walked briskly over to the edge of the roof. He glanced back at the Joker, who was now sitting upright, arms wrapped tightly around his knees as he watched the form of the Dark Knight move flawlessly in the moonlight. Batman paused for a moment, trying hopelessly to muster his best look of composure, before the Joker broke the silence

"You might want to... Um... Take the stairs." He said with a lick of the lip, motioning towards Batman's torn cape that got him in this mess to begin with

"Right..." Batman responded, stepping down from the edge absentmindedly

Batman walked past the Joker once again, and, arriving at the stairwell, he reached for the door. It opened slowly with a loud creak, and just as the Dark Knight stepped forward to pass through it, he shot one final look back at the Joker, who's gaze was now diverted to the floor, lost in thought

"Hey." Batman called over to him, waiting for their eyes to meet before he continued, "I hate you."

Just as Batman disappeared through the door, the Joker smiled his crooked grin yet again.

"Right back at ya, dollface."


End file.
